Thirty Minus One Friday June 5, 2009

As today is my 29th birthday, I am celebrating in style.

An early morning rendition of Aliens and a trip up to DemoCampBanff for the demo of our new collab called And because I enjoyed writing this list of things I’ve learned so much last year, I thought I would add a few more things to the original list … So here we go.

29 Years Old

22. Online shopping is one of the greatest experiences in the world … until you learn that your package is being shipped by UPS. Then it just becomes a nightmare.

23. Singing a Jingle in the middle of a conversation is always hilarious. (thanks to Kurt for that one)

24. This one comes from Mr. Travis Shaw, but once you get engaged plan your wedding for within a year of the engagement date. Nobody wants to spend 2 years planning and field questions about the venue, dress, catering, photographer, snacks, colors, chair bows, etc., etc., etc., etc., Weddings are inevitable chaos and drama. It’s better to just embrace the chaos.

25. The term Blessed is one of the most overused and creepy terms ever used.

26. As you get older and advance in your career, you’ll never actually be richer. The problem becomes that as you age your tastes get more expensive. Cans of Lucky becomes 15 year old Scotch. Rent becomes a Mortgage payment. Cheap cigarettes becomes cigars. Road Trips to BC become week long vacations in Cuba … Essentially get used to be being broke.

27. When planning a wedding, always remember that the finer details you omit, will be the details nobody remembers … because really how can you notice something you never knew was going to be there. (Thanks to Motorhead for that one)

28. No matter how much toothpaste technology improves, you’re still going to get cavities. Think about it, Whitening Toothpaste was the big craze three years ago until they realized that it eroded tooth enamel and then Sensitivity protection became the big buzz word. But sensitivity tooth paste doesn’t …. etc., … etc., … etc.,

It’s better to stick with regular $0.99 toothpaste, because at least you’ll save some money.

29. The money saved can then be used towards paying off your dentist bill … which will inevitably continue.

30. When entering in any sort of Sporting Pool, never chose with your heart. Chose your players based on stats and the probability of the team succeeding in the following year.

31. Never pick Guillaume Latendresse for any Hockey pool you enter. Sure his name is cool, but unless you get points for vowels, you’ll end up last.

32. Early adapters of new technology will always get bitter and grumpy towards people who catch on after them. It’s just a fact of life.

33. Politics is usually all about making the other person look really stupid. The only real exceptions to this rule; Obama who let his opponents look stupid and George Dubya who just made himself look ridiculous.

34. CSI Miami is the king of the three CSIs.

35. Buying flowers (for your significant other) because it’s Tuesday in the middle of the week goes a lot further than buying flowers because you screwed up. Trust me this one is an important rule to remember!

36. The Roxanne Drinking game) is a great way to start a party and also great when to ensure your night crosses over into the overdrive.

Roxanne is used as the basis of a British drinking game. The song is played and the room is split into two. One half is required to drink whenever the word “Roxanne” is sung, whilst the other half drink when the line “You don’t have to put on the red light” is sung. As the song reaches it’s climax, the pace of drinking increases and hilarity ensues.

37. The statistic that getting a tattoo reduces your life expectancy is a pretty ridiculous when you step back and think about. Because really before the 90s who got a tattoo? Punks, Thugs, Sailors, Women of the Night, Bikers, Maori Warriors and Soldiers. Of those professions how many where situated behind a desk in a cubicle.

So whenever someone says a Tattoo will reduce your life expectancy, ask them to prove how having ink on your skin is going to change your life?

38. Booking a haircut two months in advance is a safer bet then just dealing with it when it gets too long. Chances are by the time you’re hair becomes unbearable around you won’t have time for the haircut and you’ll have to go to a sales meeting looking like a complete hobo.

39. Don’t spend too much time engrossed in social media. It’ll affect your speeling for words like Dig, Flicker, Calgary and Laugh My Ass Off.

40. Dogs really are god’s gift to mankind. Nothing reduces stress like a face full of slobbery kisses from an Airedale with a strainer on his head.

41. Pirates trump Ninjas. Zombies trump Ninjas. But Zombie Hookers trump them all. (Is it sad that I’ve actually seen this movie before)

42. The term take-aways of life is one of the most important thing to grasp in life. If you cherish aspects of life, like they could disappear tomorrow, then you’ll have a good journey.

43. You can try, but nobody likes listening to a 28 year old complain that they’re almost 30.

That right starts the day of your 29th birthday.

Categories: The-Personnal, The-Past, The Craziness, The Family, The Inane, The Pop-Culture, The World

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