Puerto Vallarta Thursday July 17, 2008

or what the locals must call Puerto El Turisto Trapo Vallarta.

Alright, it’s not that bad. It’s actually a nice little vacation spot. Far more touristy than anything I’ve ever done, but if you’re looking for a place to sit by the pool and read for 7 days; you really can’t go wrong. And as I love giving out travel advice here’s some tips about Puerto Vallarta if you ever decide to go.

Day Trips

Obviously, I’d rather suggest surfing in Paradise then embarking on a booze cruise. Unfortunatly, when you’re located at an All-Inclusive Fortress, escaping PV via one of the many local tour companies is a welcomed change of pace from the constant barage of screaming children and drunken teenagers.

For any sort of PV outings save your self the time & hassle and just use Vallarta Adventures. Reasonably priced, not solicited by the grease bags on every corner, and top notch service. Best of all they tend to focus on quality, not quantity. We did the See Safari and had an amazingly secluded day.

Instead of being jammed on a booze cruise of 70, we were on a tiny boat of 25. Instead of invading a little town with an Armada of ten other boats, we arrived well before the mass hords and were able to enjoy a private swim in the waterfalls. Plus two hours at the end of the day on a secluded beach with an all you can drink and eat BBQ buffet.

The All-Inclusive Gruel

The all-inclusive concept sounds great. Unlimited watered down drinks, poolside bus boys (Although Cait did manage to fall for George our drink/pool boy) and all you can eat food. What could possibly be wrong with that scenario?

Well … the all-inclusive gruel is painful at best. 7 days of mass produced, boiled pork, rubber potatoes, soggy chicken and pasta is far too much for any person to withstand. 3-4 Days isn’t too bad, but when the sauce from last night’s apple rosted potatoes and this morning’s fried pork start to look the same it’s time to find something new.

Two pieces of advice; Find a small hole in the wall taco shop for lunches (we found Taco Rey in New Town) and go to Blake’s Canadian Sports Bar for dinner and drinks.

Yes, I know it’s ridiculous to go all the way to Mexico to hang out at a Canadian Sports bar and watch CFL football. I for one always thought it was ridiculous that so many Brits go to Palma and hang out at dingy ex-pat bars. But after spending our last two nights at Casa De Blake, I wish we would have spent all 7 nights there or at least our first two.

Mike & Susan are phenominal hosts, with top notch chefs. (They also have some great Gluten Free options) The drinks flow like pure butter there and the advice they give is well worth the time. If you want to know about all the tourist traps and the best places to go in PV (old Town) let Mike & Sue unleash their bevy of knowledge. Plus the regulars there are very friendly and very talkative.

Now for some General Touristy Stuff

Everyone in PV will try and sell you an f$%#in Time Share. The cracked out junkie, that sweet old lady, that nice tequila salesman, even the cute little girl with free flowers – they will all try to sell a Time Share during your conversation.

Ignore the $35 Dollar Cover – All You Can Drink nights at the Night Clubs – Go the following night and you won’t have to pay any cover.

Always negotiate the cost of the cab before sitting down. You’ll save three-four dollars a trip.

I’ll put this bluntly, let your female do the husstling at the Old Town flea markets. It’s far funnier to watch a man get out bartered by a sweet incident girl; then it is to inflict that financial pain yourself. Plus it really messes with their overbearing machishismo.

Mexican Coke

All the All-inclusive/Tourist spots sell Pepsi. While I love Pepsi, avoid it in Mexico. Actually avoid the normal plastic bottled Coke.

Just go straight for the Glass bottles of Coke. This is the pure sugar cane goodness. It’s phenominal.

Categories: Mexico-2008, The-Adventures, The Beverages, The Craziness, The Pop-Culture, The Southern Neighbours

Commenting is closed for this article.