3 Month Reflection Sunday April 23, 2006

So it’s fairly pretentious to be making some reflections on a web log that has been up for a grand total of 2 months. Okay it’s really pretentious. But I kind of feel the need to personally reflect. And really that was the initial intent of this magical website. Maybe it’s the weird mood I found myself at work Friday, but I feel like ranting and unleashing some frustration. I wouldn’t say this is about the website, but probably has more to do with the past couple of months than anything else.

As mentioned, I continue reading various ‘web logs’ around the “blogosphere.” (which for one thing is the worst names since blog) During which I keep on running into the same advice. Whether its Airbag Industries, Daring fireball, 37Signals Guys or Oh just about every single speaker at SXSW. Everyone is spewing this Just Do it slogan like it’s the late 80’s. This adage is starting to get on my nerves. It’s like a god damn Bo Jackson revival.

The thing is I’m trying to Just do it. But this Just do it shit isn’t easy. In theory just doing it, seems pretty simple. Just quit your job and do it. Just do it! Fine, but what about reality? What about stuff like student loans, rent, and opium addictions? And how the fuck will I ever keep up my collection of rare Kashmir eggs. The reality is Just doing it is full of short term lifestyle sacrifices for long term happiness. There is no easy path or overnight success story. One can’t just go from knowing nothing (February) to having everything (Today). And I fully understand this. But it’s the threat of losing these comforts that is starting to drag me down.

Just do it!

See at the beginning of February, when the preverbal shit hit the fan, I was all Gung-Ho to change everything. I had my motivational guns a blazing. I quit drinking, started listening to music again, and started reading more. Damn I even quit the flames for a while. (Oh, I can’t quit you flames) I was staying up late coding, photoshoping and plotting great ideas. I purchased all the nerdy bibles of internet design. If I wasn’t sneaking in some blog reading I was spending my evenings hunched over my laptop. I’ve kept that pace up untill this past week. Unfortunately this week I’ve felt extremely worn down, frustrated and at times like a failure.

Maybe it’s just the MTV generation in me, but it feels like after all that expended energy – nothing has changed. Take this site for example. It looks a thousand times better than when it launched. Don’t get me wrong I’m really proud of how the sites evolved. But still is it enough? Is this enough to get a decent job? Will it have the equivalent pay as my tedious daily sentence? Not at all, actually far from it. Will I ever reach the same levels of pay and flexibility? Not for a while. See to most this site looks fantastic, but to people in the industry it is a fairly mediocre site. The CSS isn’t valid and the semantic code is horrible. (By the way I don’t understand a single word of that past sentence – see how fraudulent I am. I’m a phony! Abandon ship!)

Well I can hear some of you already – Man, bitch, bitch, bitch that’s all you ever do. There is an element of that in this post, but come on its frustrating. I’ve grown up in the generation of ‘success now!’ And damn do I want it now! See Nick Hornby summed it up pretty well in A Long Way Down. Our generation has grown up surrounded by wave after wave of 19-20 year old success stories. Whether Its either phony pop stars running around with their boobies hanging out, making millions from selling handbags or 18 year old ninnies becoming captains of their hockey team. There is an underlying societal pressure, where it seems like at 25 you are past your prime. In the previous generation success usually didn’t come until your early 30’s. Harrison Ford was a 25 year old struggling carpenter, before he hit it big. And I’ve always tried to live by the mantra of never comparing oneself to others. Why? Because it’s pointless. The reality is everyone makes sacrifices and chooses their own path. That 18 year old phenom became an adult at age 14 and gave up his childhood to become a superstar. But with western society’s collective attention span, nobody mentions that. It just seems like success only happens for these people. So at age 25 I’m feeling past my prime. At a time where I should be looking at life with a Tony Montana, The World is Yours! mantra, I feel like a small failure.

So that brings us back to this Just do it garbage I’m trying to change things. I’m making small inroads into the industry with my various side projects. But its aggravating when you make an accomplishment like posting your portfolio online and then a graphical genius like Cameron Moll updates his portfolio on the same day. I know he has 3 trillion years of professional experience over me, but still it feels like a giant kick in the groin. Why can’t I be at his level right now?

Looking at the web logs of talented individuals all day with far more experience and mad skillz ( Jealous ) is frustrating. And why can they do all this great work? Because it’s their job and their passion. They aren’t spending 8-9 hours a day at a job they despise. They are spending 10-11 hours in an industry they are passionate about. So in a roundabout sort of way we are back at this stupid Just do it mantra. I think I’ve officially exhausted my ability to create web pages in my spare time. I’ve realized that I have to start making those aforementioned sacrifices today. Not Tomorrow and definitely not on Thursday. (All though Wednesday isn’t looking to bad)

So what is this ridiculous rant all about? Its all about tits and blow. Alright its about being scared.

I’m proud of what I’ve done with the site. It’s starting to really evolve and I enjoy writing my verbal diarrhea on a semi-daily basis. But I’ve hit the pinnacle of what I can do with 10 hours of spare time a week. This frustration and uncertainty over the past week is all stemming from the realization it actually is time to start making those sacrifices. It’s time to give up my luxuries. It’s time to give up the cushy job. It’s time to jump into the void of uncertainty. Its time to embrace the unknown. More importantly – It’s time to Just Do it.

Categories: The-Site, The-Personnal,

comment

In a class I had a couple of weeks back there was a presentation that quoted Osama bin Laden saying that, “Brittany Spears is the average American woman.” The class laughed … I pondered. Putting physical appearance aside, her situation is one instance of the ‘American Dream’ that everyone seeks: unrelenting accumulation of profit and celebrated status at a rate disproportional to actual social contribution. In effect, what Spears’ represents has influenced and perpetuated collective emulation from hundreds of thousands of individual teens, (many of which are far too fat to be wearing lowriders … but Brittany issued a liscence for butt crack … where the hell did that come from, I don’t know so back to my story). This concept makes me think that bin Laden’s sentiment was not all that wrong. The class facetiously laughed due to Spears’ physical appearance and intellectual mediocrity, but she, and hundreds of those labeled celebrity, reek of the widespread American ideology that has effectual influence on the mindless.

So what is this comment getting at? Well there are three kinds of people in this world: those who achieve this hollow american dream, those that emulate the ones who achieved, and those that ‘Just Do It.’ The third catagory may not be achieving what society deems important, but they are living for themselves and not a predefined image of themself. Connorbation … you my friend may be a corporate whore but you have turned that evil against itself and not only use the money you gain from there to finance your individual aspirations but you also use their time to ‘just do it.’ Kudos (if that is how it is spelled).

Maybe I should start a website, I can rant with the best of them.

Scott · Apr 24, 08:25 AM · #permalink

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